‘of bums and dumpsters’

Good morning friends… I would lead with my apology for staying off the blogosphere for so long… Incidents way beyond my control cropped up and I found myself almost being swept away by the swells I unwittingly chose to surf in… My dearest crazies, lotsa water has passed under the bridge… Water so filthy and corrupt and dangerous and heartless… Its a long story but who would I share it with if not for you guys; my brothers-in-sanity…—–»My tale starts like any other… With me chasing some tail… What can I say; you have a young dude, a pretty girl and the perfect scenario- that’s recipe for a story as good as any; A story of bums and dumpsters…

Ok….so I was coming back from CDS (that’s Community Development Service) this particular Friday afternoon…I had decided to pass another route; one that I had never tried before. I found myself on a lonely street…it was dusty and hilly as was usual in Agbado(that’s where I’m serving) and it brought to mind that Greenday song ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’…
I felt like turning back; if I remember correctly, I did turn back…that was when I saw her; she turned into ‘lonely-hilly boulevard’ and started walking down it….

….She walked past so fast dat I didn’t catch her face but I could focus on her behind (woah not her behind behind… Like her whole back profile- you guys get what I’m talking about) She was tall and athletic but managed to retain her femininity… I could tell immediately that she was pretty…I should have gone my way but a strange sense of curiosity came over me…

…. The power of a woman abi? This road was so bad that cars couldn’t access it. Two men had to park their car and continue their journey down the road on foot…I decided that if I could see her face and maybe err… connect with her, then the journey down Dusty-hilly boulevard would be worth it. She was walking so fast that I had to run to catch up with her… I ran past the men in suits (you know;just in case they had the same plan as I)…

I finally got within hearing distance of this mystery hottie and said ‘hello’…she turned quickly like she was startled; she moved gracefully like a feline…a cat;yes like Cat-woman(and she even crouched a little sef like she was about to strike)
I didn’t blame her,the road was very loo-Oh My God!!! All thoughts of the road left my mind…I became engrossed with her face….

She was pretty…scratch that- BEAUTIFUL…her hair was tied bck in a pony-tail so I could see her face well. Despite the dust,her chocolate coloured face glowed, her eyes were very bright- the white part(don’t know what its called) was really white and contrasted sharply with the brown. Her nose which was a little pointed wrinkled with what I assumed was the usual annoyance girls displayed when they are approached by strange guys(I can’t believe I’m now one of those guys) her full lips were tightly pressed together in what looked like an anxious grimace. Then she spoke….
‘Hi’
her voice was sharp and had a lilting quality which made her sound like she acted in one of those Harry Potter movies….(You go fear forming na… I decided to form my own)
‘Hello’
I started with my james bond swag locked down thanks to ‘Skyfall’ which I had just seen,

‘sorry for being a bother…you walked by me a while back, but I didn’t see your face…then I had a bet with my alter-ego… He’s kind of a jerk…’
This was a line I was sure has never been tried before(call me innovator- you won’t be wrong)

‘he said you weren’t pretty but I reckoned you were…so we decided to sort it out….now I’m so sure I won’
I flashed her my brightest smile(people say its charming and I was hoping it won me points with her)
Apparently it didn’t cus she just said ‘thanks’ and started walking away, this time in more of a hurry…( Classic girl shakara) God forbid that I’d give up so easily after all the dust I inhaled…I followed her….by this time, we had gotten to the end of the road which turned out to be a dead end…

Not exactly a dead end but there was a gully; about 40ft deep were erosion had eaten away at the earth…and in the normal Nigerian way it had been turned into a refuse dump…In my usual manner of seeing the bright side in everything, I laughed out loud and said
‘well it seems you were just going nowhere fast’
She didn’t even crack a smile…she just continued to look very worried…too worried in my opinion….
‘Seems like you aren’t from around these parts’
I continued, putting on my helpful face…
‘Neither am I…just wanted to try some thing new and this is what I………’
I trailed off here because this crazy girl(she had to be) started climbing down into the refuse dump….. As you can imagine I didn’t have a smart/funny comment for this contingency so I just made sounds;
‘ err…..uhm….ahhh’
I turned back and saw that the suited men were still coming behind us….obviously, they were oblivious about the dead end too….I made a mental picture in my head about more people meeting us there and a refuse-barbeque party starting. As I opened my mouth to tell them they had to turn back,many things then happened at once….
‘Pretty Refuse not to mention CRAZY girl’ shouted something that sounded like;
‘get in here NOW’
(wow her british accent was kinda real) but no way I was getting in the trash with her….if she like; make e be French accent…she was clearly insane… I turned back at the men and I saw that they had pulled out pistols with overly long nozzles and were pointing straight at me…. I remember thinking to myself ‘those guns look ridiculous… they can’t be real’ then I heard a gunshot….

*to be continued*

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14 thoughts on “‘of bums and dumpsters’

  1. Captivatin….was engrossd til me saw *to be continue*….wat sort of damsel is dat n d dude on suit…I picture or sense “shit” tins@first wen I read dumping ground…then pistons popped-out…hahahahhahahhahahahaha…

  2. Hahahaha! Am practicaly hangin on everyword! I was readin it in d elevator, continued even as I was waitin 4 a taxi in 4rnt of d office. Captivating story! Am screaming MOREEEEE!

  3. Nigger complete this story…………its crazy………I like the 1st line of the convo I think I having to start using it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Dude, i hope you’re okay o
    Nice write-up though, you definitely got UNIQUE game, not all the usual recycled shit you hear ereday.

    Come quick and conclude this tory o

  5. Your unconventional approach to storytelling is applauded. It’s not formal, and there were a few errors, but it was interesting; and that’s what at the end of the day is the gist of storytelling.

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