Celebrating 100 Days of ASUU

Hello guys,

People involved in the chronological business of keeping time– whether they are the Mayans or the…err(I can’t remember the other ones)– have always considered 100 days an iconic benchmark to be acknowledged with ceremonious reverence in tune with the event in question. Different government administrations mark their century of days in office with celebrations and scorecards to review how well they have performed. There obviously, would be no such celebrations as the strike action embarked on by members of the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU) reaches the 100 day mark.

Strike actions are not exactly a rare occurrence in Nigeria– they seem to happen faster than a hat would drop from the head to the floor. Committees to end such strikes also spring up with similar alacrity. This particular strike, however has enjoyed a baffling longevity that has seen countless meetings end in deadlocks, various protests by different parties directed at different parties amount to nothing. It has also seen the formation and dissolution of different committees and sub committees.

These past 100 days of strike have seen events unfold with the pace of a big budget Hollywood movie; so many actors with interchanging roles of hero and villain, well rehearsed speeches with iconic quotes, the loss of some cast members and introduction of new ones and intriguing plot twists that have held everyone spellbound on the unending saga.

Mehn- forget grammar, the matter tire me. I just had to call on my oga, Amb. Tobi Johannes Wojuola, to talk about the issue from his own viewpoint–

“Crazies, this is my boss, to whom I give tuale, listen to him”

I looked at the calendar today; it was the 8th of October 2013, and like any other day, at least since the 2nd of July. Something inside me however kept telling me that today was a special day, a day to dance, to merry, to eat more than the three squared meal, to be excited and celebrate something. That something, I knew not. Not until I had finished saying the morning prayers and eaten breakfast did I get a call from my Uncle, Richard, which was rather weird, as he seldom called me; he began the conversation saying; “Tobi, today is your hundredth day in office, tell me what you have been able to achieve since you got into power”, I replied him in my state of confusion and asked if I was the original intent of his call, he laughed at me and said, “Eku ASUU oo”. At that point I had all the puzzle pieces in their right places; from the early morning excitement to Uncle Richard’s weird introductory lines when he called. Today was a day to celebrate ASUU’s hundredth striking day, a day students had laughed about after the second week of the strikes’ commencement, it never looked like it was coming and so everyone had always been eager to hear that by next week the strike would be called off. Several times I would be at the school library during the strike and I would chat with my friends who had left school urging them to return to school soon that there were heads up that the strike would be called off in good time

In truth, a hundred days in the education of the lives of millions of young people has just been wasted into history and would never be retrievable. Amidst anticipation of a resolve of the stalemate between the Federal Government and the ASUU leadership, students have patiently received the hard blows from the effects of the strike; having a stunted education program, brains left idle and so many adverse –EHEN! I have remembered; Mayans or Gregorians… Oga sorry, oya continue–effects. Nonetheless, there is the a common saying that we each all have our twenty-four hours and our successes depend on what we do with this time. It has been approximately two thousand four hundred hours of striking time and if you are the student who sleeps ten hours a day, then well-done, you have slept one thousand hours of striking time.

The question then is how have you used your two thousand four hundred hours of ASUU Strike to make better your life and society? Did you spend this period watching all the movies and series America could offer? Or did you decide to spend the striking time at an internship, trying to better yourself in your chosen career? Or did you open up a shop or learn a skill or an art? – How productive has the hundred striking days been to you as a student?

One may ask why I chose the word Celebrating a hundred days of ASUU strike instead of Mourning a hundred days, anyway, here is why; being conscious of the unpredictable nature of ASUU and the Federal Government, I chose not to suspend any hitherto project or work I was doing till the end of strike, I said to myself, that I was going to continue till I was done with them, whether or not the strike was called off sooner or later. That I did, and remained within the University environs; studying at the library, helping out at the University Law Clinic and working on my final year project. I also continued the hustle to get the fourth edition of LOL! Magazine (where I am the Editor in Chief) out, and also to establish consistency with LOL! TV which had just kicked off a month before the strike commenced. In no time I had gone considerably far in my project and in the first week of September the fourth edition of LOL! Magazine was out and at the beginning of October the sixth production from LOL! TV had dropped with the seventh to be released at the end of the month. I guess, for me, this is worth celebrating a 100 days of ASUU Strike.

Like Adele, who turned a heartbreak into Grammies, this is just a bit of what thousands of students have been able to achieve during these striking days; they have been able to take advantage of the situation; call them opportunists, but they are paving a way for themselves in and beyond the school environment. Now you may want to ask yourself, what creative and productive activity have you embarked on during this strike? If the gauge does not show a result worth bragging about, just remember, the stalemate is still on, and from the obvious, Daddy and Mummy are still fighting over soup money, the food would not be ready any time soon, cook yours!

This food for thought as we dey wait make food done na from Tobi Wojuola, Editor-in-chief, LOL! Magazine, Producer, LOL!TV(I go knack you my rates for all the advert wey you do) and controller of all the fine girls wey dey FCT.

I have missed you guys… Tuts

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Schadenfreude- their damage, our joy

“What a fearful thing it is that any language should have a word expressive of the pleasure which men feel at the calamities of others; for the existence of the word bears testimony to the existence of the thing. And yet in more than one, such a word is found….. In the Greek, Epikhairekakia,in the German, ‘Schadenfreude.’ “
This assertion, made by Richard C. Trench in 1852 is iconic, both in the beauty of its delivery and the relevance of its implications. Surely, you are already shaking your head in conviction, completely certain you are not guilty of this fleeting bout of sadism. However, before you are completely entrapped in your bog of self righteousness, take a moment to consider… that deep sense of satisfaction you feel watching dictators get over thrown and dragged through the streets, that smile you try to hide when the daughter of the ‘holiest’ sister in church is impregnated, the euphoria you experience when that ‘big girl’ snaps her heel and is publicly humiliated or the hearty laughter you have when the best player from your rival team breaks his leg… this brief spurt of delight you are undoubtedly now ashamed to have felt in these scenarios is officially known as Schadenfreude.
Schadenfreude, a German word literally translated to mean “Damage Joy”, is defined as a guilty, undisclosed feeling of satisfaction or pleasure at someone else’s misfortune. In most cases, this feeling is not a voluntary reaction, it is just a program written into the very core of our nature. Philosopher and sociologist, Theodor Adorno, described Schadenfreude as unexpected, pertinent but meaningless bliss at the suffering of others. The feeling is ingrained, forget about eradicating it- trust me your resolution would be shattered by the very next ‘oga at the top’ video.
Sadly, these sadistic bouts are not reserved only for people we don’t know. Family, friends, the dude with the highest C.G.P.A. are all potential objects of this unkind form of amusement. This should explain why your daughter’s answer to the question: “why did you come 4th this term?” is “daddy, Junior was 14th in his own class”. Now that I consider it, it also explains why my first words as a child were “ntoo” and “obii” and my first sentence was “that is good for you.”
So, why do we feel Schadenfreude?
According to Wilco W. van Dijk, a researcher on the subject, you feel Schadenfreude when you have something to gain from the misfortune of someone else (a slip-up by a rival in the office), when you are envious of such a person (the divorce of that popular actress you abhor) or when you feel he is deserving of whatever calamity has befallen him (think Gaddafi and the legion of ousted and disgraced dictators). Wilco linked Schadenfreude with low self esteem and based on findings from an experiment, he deduced that people with low self esteem would do almost anything to feel better. This gives them a high propensity to feel ‘damage joy’ when confronted with the misfortunes of other people.
It is too bad that this phenomenon shares a close relationship with self-esteem because the sad truth is that a large majority of people hide a deep rooted sense of insecurity and inadequacy. We feel we should be one rung higher up on the ladder– more beautiful, taller, smarter, richer or funnier. This feeling dumps us in a murky quagmire of misery—a dark place that only looks brighter whenever we see someone who is worse off. This is why the lynching of the unlucky cat-burglar attracts such large crowds. Nothing offers a better escape from the depressing implications of losing that contract or her ‘missed period’ than the sight of a stranger getting the nine lives beaten out of him.
Over the years, several issues regarding the nature of this phenomenon have been debated by the elite; is it purely reflex? Does it make a person evil? Is it caused by a hormone? If it is, how can such hormone be re-engineered to develop an antidote? The medieval church viewed it as pure sin but the scientific truth is we have all been guilty of this sin at some point in our lives, even as recently as the last time we watched ‘horrible celebrity meltdowns’ on E! Network. Personally, I will not crucify any one for feeling Schadenfreude. I believe we can all be forgiven for our private laughs at the expense of Mrs. Goody-two shoes or Mr. Know it all as long as the enjoyment isn’t completely devoid of empathy.
“We know it’s very good to feel empathy and sympathy for people, so if you feel Schadenfreude without any sympathy or compassion, that will not be good” Wilco said. I would add my opinion by saying if you feel ‘Freudefreude’—that is, a genuine and sincere joy at the good fortune of others then you are allowed to enjoy the occasional ‘mwa-hahaha’ moment. If, however, you share the sentiments of David Merrick who said: “it is simply not enough to succeed-others have to fail,” then by God you should grow a pointy beard, sprout curved horns, develop a forked tail, acquire a long fork and relocate to Hell! Like everything else in the world, Schadenfreude is quite harmless in small doses but when taken to the extreme, disaster might result.
Apart from the virtue of moderation, another important lesson to be learnt from this long winding write-up is this; we are all athletes in this ‘rat-race’ called life. In as much as we are doing everything to win the race, we should also show a little care for the very unfortunate sprinters that are lagging so far behind. The idea of people who are worse off should not only encourage us but also inspire us to do something to make the world better.
As a bonus lesson, also consider this; the human mind is simply a complex room, something akin to Alice’s wonderland. So, many contradicting elements, all of them existing side by side as neighbours. It can be a source of joy or it can be a recipe for disaster. In you lies a lion and a lamb, you can choose to pounce or prance. You can be Churchill or Hitler, Harry or Voldermort, Esther or Jezebel. Hero or a villain- the choice is yours.

blowing the rules

“This is so wrong” the tiny voice said. “you have been warned before…”
“Abeg shut up jare… do what you want to do quickly, there’s nothing bad in it” the second voice that spoke sounded harsh and more resolute than the timid first.

Quincy stood with trepidation as she allowed her inner voices to argue within her. Her voice of reason, the one she imagined as a miniature version of herself with a halo and wings wasn’t doing a good job. She hardly ever won any arguments against her voice of treason; the rebellious horned and tailed opposite.
Quincy knew the argument was just a formality to fulfil all righteousness. Fact was, as disgusted as other people might be, she enjoyed it and have enjoyed it ever since it had first happened about two years ago. She remembered she had just returned from school with a male friend of hers. Her mom, having just returned from the market had rushed out to get something else. It was during this brief period of her mom’s absence that her friend convinced her to try it. Being a curious fourteen year old,she agreed… It wasn’t the act itself that got her hooked, it was the exciting rush of doing something the society generally frowned at- the rush of being a rebel.

It was the same rush she was feeling now and this told her all she needed to know about ‘voice of reason’s’ chances of winning the argument. As if on cue, voice of reason finally gave in;
“Oya do it quick quick” it said.

As she drew closer to the bulging package, she remembered the only time mother had ever caught her; oh! the horror that had filled her face. She had received the scolding of her life, then lectures about how it was unbecoming of a lady to engage in such and how ingesting it could cause serious stomach problems…her mom was ever sparing the rod!!!

This happened six months ago. She had been extra careful to never get caught again. She tried to be as quiet as possible as she liberated it from what was its temporal jail cell-moments earlier, her mom had dumped her shopping hamper and rushed to her room, acknowledging the greetings of her friend with only a hasty nod.

It was a good specimen, long; about 7 inches and hard… Very hard; the way she liked it best. The vegetation that sprouted all around the root looked healthy and gave it a particularly earthy aroma. She could see tiny veins all around and the sight of them caused her to swallow. The room was eerily dark and silent. Her heart beat with a steady rhythym and her mind moved to the beat like Jagger.

She wet her tongue in anticipation- this was one of those rare moments when the mountain gladly went to mohamed. She drew it closer, bent her head and enveloped the tip with her mouth… The light in the kitchen came on, her mom’s voice rang out calling her friend to witness:

“Chai! Fine girl, please come and see what your disgusting friend is doing”

Quincy just stood there… Momentarily blinded by the bright lights. Guilt written on her face and shame dripping from her eyes.
“Ah-ahn Quincy, at your age” her friend said laughing…

Quincy just stood there…her head hung… the unwashed, half eaten carrot in her hands.

soul plane? tow plane!!!

Was scared out of my wits when I heard word of a plane crash landing in Lagos. I’m sure many of you felt the same way too. Don’t worry crazies, y’all have no reason to fret. This was just one of those situations when the truth seems more far fetched than the rumours.

According to a NEMA spokesperson, the plane spotted on the streets of Lagos last nighht/early this morning is the scrap of an aircraft that was evacuated from the airport last night after the Federal government issued a directive that all scrap aircraft be evacuated from all airports. The plane was spotted being towed along Mangoro and later seen at a gas station.

But really, is this the best way to move planes? Imagine you being stuck in a hold up, you look in your mirror and the car behind you isn’t a car at all…

More pics below.

GAY marriage? not in this country

Same sex marriage is one issue that has caused countless debates around the world. Nigeria was not left out in this drama. The government through the reps was trying to take a firm stand on gay marriage but our big brothers kept shaking our knees with threats of aid withdrawal and what not.

All that changed when the House of Representatives, on Thursday May 29th approved 14 years imprisonment for persons who contracted same sex marriage in the country.

This was sequel to a clause-by-clause consideration of a Bill for an Act to prohibit marriage or union entered between persons of same sex, at the Committee of the Whole.

“Marriage or civil union entered between persons of same gender shall not be solemnised in any place of worship, either church or mosque or any place in Nigeria,” it said.

Introducing the bill, Rep. Albert Sam-Tsokwa ( PDP-Taraba) said that it sought to achieve a far reaching objective by outlawing same sex marriage and provide punishment for offenders.

It also set out a 10-year sentence for “any person who directly or indirectly makes public show of same-sex amorous relationships’’.

“Any persons or group of persons that administers, witnesses, screen and shields the solemnisation of same sex marriage in Nigeria on conviction, will be liable to 10 years imprisonment.’’

It would be recalled also that the British Prime Minister, David Cameron, had warned that his country would consider withholding aid from countries that did not recognise gay rights.

In Nov. 2011, the senate approved the bill that would make same-sex marriages punishable by up to 14 years for the couple and 10 for anyone abetting such unions.

The bill is expected to be sent to the Senate for concurrence.

Public opinions have been flying around with a lot of them applauding the Nigerian law makers for doing the right thing. I’d like to know your thoughts on the matter… Until then:
“NO SIR, YOU CAN NOT TAKE THAT MAN AS YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND!!!”

…I wanna take a sexy leak…

I have seen marketing strategies in my time on this green planet. Different gimmicks employed by business owners to further the cause of their establishment.

However, none have stood out like that of a french restaurant named “The Ananas Bar and Restaurant” in Sydney. They installed two weird úrinals to attract attention. The úrinals were designed to look like a woman’s moúth with red lips.

The restaurant owner said: “The bright red-lipped úrinals shaped like an open mouth was a commonly used European design piece from female Dutch artist Meike Van Schijndel.”
Women repeatedly asked for permission to go in to take photos of the úrinals. But feminist, former political adviser and writer, Anne Summers, was not impressed with the úrinals. She called the design offensive. She demanded the restaurant owner remove the red-lipped úrinals.

The owner of the recently opened restaurant did not want the negative attention from feminists, so they agreed to remove the úrinals and apologized for anyone it may have offended. “We sincerely apologize if they have offended anyone. They are being removed today,” a spokeswoman said in a statement.

I don’t know about you all, but I think the urinals were a great idea. A wonderful way to get a good laugh while emptying your bladder at the same time… People should stop being too uptight all the time. I say to anyone who. May feel offended by this- “get a sense of humour, it will colour your terribly drab life!!!”

Now I gotta pee

Domestic Justice

A chinese woman has been forced to met her own brand of justice to her mentally deranged son by locking him up in a cage for past eleven years. 74 year old Wang Muxiang, mother of Wu Yuanhong had to resort to this course of action after he murdered a teenage boy in their village of Ruichang in Jiangxi Province while suffering an episode of ‘psychosis’.

He also beat a 13 year old to death in 2001 but wasn’t held by authorities due to his mental illness. The sad mother built the cage which held her son for over a decade by herself because no one agreed to help her for fear of the explosive Wu. Wang said:

‘I wielded the cage while crying heavily. Although he suffers from mental illness and killed a person, he still is my son. Thinking I was making a cage to lock him in, my heart was broken.’

Was the woman cruel to have done that or vindicated on the account of her son’s violent disposition?

Continue to see more pictures of Wu in his cage …

what dresscode?

In most weddings, the couple, especially the female fret for months over what to wear on their special day; strapless or strap, three piece or double breasted… This New Zealand couple however, didn’t need to worry about such details… because they got married in the NUDE.

Nick and Wendy Lowe were married at the Wellington Naturist Club on Saturday in a “clothing optional” wedding, reported local newspaper The Dominion Post. About half of the 120 guests were Unclad. Both clothed and Unclad photos were taken, and though guests were asked to dress for dinner, the dancing portion of the event was clothing optional.

It was Nick who encouraged Wendy to embrace the ‘naturist’ or ‘nudist’ lifestyle.

“It was one of the first things he said to me: ‘I’m a naturist, how do you feel about it?’ I knew at some point I’d have to at least try it,” Wendy, the happy and naked new bride said.

Check out more photos below and let me know what you think about this bizarre event.

TOUCH AND FOLLOW

“One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness, bind them” this is a quote from JRR Tolkien’s lord of the rings. I thought of it when I got wind of the story of TWO BOYS who were arrested for using a MAGICAL RING to GANG-RAPE a 19 year old secondary school student.

The two young men were remanded in Agodi prison by an Ibadan magistrate court after allegedly using a magical ring to abduct and rape a 19 year old girl. They were also charged with stealing a blackberry phone belonging to the victim.

According to the victim;
“There is a boy who was not my boy friend. He was a student in that school about two years ago. His name is Biola. He had wanted to date me several times which I politely turned down. Just last Wednesday, when I closed from school, Biola came to me in company of two unidentified boys and said his mum wanted to see me.
“‘I asked him what led to the invitation by his mum. I then told him I would not go. Then, one of the two other guys who had a ring on his hand hit me on the chest and I was unconscious. They took me to the residence of one of the two boys and raped me.
“Before raping me, they gave me alcoholic drink and after the crime had been committed, they gave me ‘covenant water’ threatening me that I would die if I told anybody of the act.”

A ranking police officer who wishes to remain anonymous confirmed the story saying:
“On May 15 at 0815 hours, one Adekola living on Akanbi Street, Molade area of Ibadan reported that his younger sister and a secondary school student went to school and did not return home. All efforts to trace her proved abortive.
“Then about 23:00hours, an unanimous caller called through the victim’s GSM number and identified himself as kidnapper and demanded N6,000. The DCO led other policemen and the victim was rescued.”
She was unconscious and was rushed to a nearby hospital. She later narrated how she was kidnapped and gang-raped by three persons. Two arrests have been made while the third suspect is still at large. The two suspects have been charged to court.”

shake e bum bum on Britains got talent

This is old news… but the truth is; not all horses run at the same pace.

For those who follow the reality talent hunt show- Britain’s got talent, you would already know about ‘CEO dancers’.

They are a dance trio; 2 Nigerians  – 22 year old student Ezinne Asinugo & 23 year old sales advisor Soliat Bada and a South African – 24 year old stylist Nqobile Ntshangase. They auditioned and left the judges amazed with their stunning African themed routine.

They ‘booty shook’ not only to Beyonce’s single ladies but also to Iyanya’s Kukere and D’banj’s Oliver Twist… Oyinbo people dey feel our beats o. Shoo!!! (•͡.̮ ~͡ )
They got four hefty yesses from the judges which included Simon Cornwell and Alesha Dixon.

click the link to download:
http://bonaxclusive.com/2013/04/23/video-dancers-dance-to-iyanyas-kukere-dbanjs-oliver-twist-on-britains-got-talent-ceodancers/

be fruitful and multiply… but not now

Fifty-four pregnant girls and 200 students on drugs have been uncovered in Lagos public secondary schools after a survey, carried out by the office of Youth and Social Development, an arm of the Lagos State Ministry of Youth, Sports and Social Development.

The statistics revealed that 54 pregnant girls were counselled by the school social services of the office in the last one year out of the 378 schools visited. Out of the 54 pregnant girl students counselled, 18 of them with serious depression were brought under supervision of the social welfare service.

Also, 200 cases of drug abuse were uncovered, while the students involved were counselled and 61 of them placed under supervision, 2,095 students involved in truancy were also counselled among the students, with 213 students placed under supervision.

The statistics further revealed 427 cases of gangsterism among students and placed 73 of such students under supervision, while 461 students were counselled on sex education, with 103 students placed under supervision.

Also, 154 cases of sexual assault were uncovered and the victims were counselled, while 27 of such affected students were placed under supervision. 91 victims of physical abuse were counselled, with 27 placed under supervision.
The department also counselled 102 students who absconded with 50 of such students placed under supervision.

The implications of this statistics are horrible to even consider and begs the question: “how did they lose their way, so early in life?”

they stole our day

It was a sad… sad day in Adamawa state when the children where told that their usual Children’s day celebrations had been cancelled due to the state of emergency declared in the State.

Over a hundred children, who showed up at the Ribadu square in Yola for their usual day of fun and merry making, broke down and wept openly when they were told to go back home. This announcement was made by the minister for women affairs and it underlines just how far reaching the effects of the security menace is.

The absolute worst a person can do is ‘taking candy from a baby’… Stealing a day from kids is a close second and that’s exactly what terrorism has done.

condom carrying preacher lynched

It’s not an odd sight in Lagos, when you see a crowd coming together to deliver a good ol’ beat down on one person. In times like that, you can safely assume that the person being beaten is a thief who has reached the end of the line.

Well, the story behind the mass beating given to a man on saturday morning, at Toyota Bus stop, in front of the popular Ladipo Spare parts market was a little different. According to eye witnesses, he was a bus preacher who incurred the wrath of the mob when condoms fell out of his bible as he preached the word of God.

According to information made available to my source, the Pastor had embarked on his journey from Apapa and proceeded to preach to the people on the bus, using very strong words like “If you wear trouser you’ll go to hell! The Devil invented Make up! Weave-on is from Marine Kingdom! If you have pre-marital sex you will burn in hell and your skin will peel!”

The funny thing is, people started to fall under the anointing.According to an eye witness, Mr. John Mbakogu, who was on his way to his shop at Ladipo, “People were just falling as he was laying hands. One man almost fell out of the bus under the influence of the Spirit. It was amazing until he raised his hands to cast the demons out of one girl, and 2 Durex condoms fell out”

It was at this point that some of the passengers who, no doubt had been feeling guilty as a result of his earlier holy onslaught, gathered round him and gave him the beating of his life. To save himself, the preacher started shouting: ‘safe sex….I preach safe sex… Safe sex is good’

However, Policemen had to be called to the scene to save the pastors life but not before he had almost reached a comatose state. So far 2 arrests have been made, and the Condoms have been kept as evidence.

Good morning crazies.

wicked disciplinarian

God, in his holy book said:
“spare the rod, and spoil the child”…
This woman took the concept a step further; she took the rod, put it in fire and spoilt the child’s face.
Mrs Sakirat Attah, a 25 year old petty trader residing in Abijo village in Ibeju Lekki was arrested by the police at Elemoro Division, for severely scalding her son’s face.
She committed the dastardly act under the guise of punishing him for stealing a neighbour’s soup. The woman was said to have dragged the boy into her room and locked the door. She allegedly lit her stove and put an iron spoon on to get it hot. After which she proceeded to burn her son’s face and hands.
It was also gathered that she broke a bottle and stabbed him in the head before neighbours could rescue him.
During interrogation, the boy admitted licking the soup because he was hungry since his mother didn’t provide food early enough for him. After investigation, she was charged to Igbosere Magistrate court, Lagos on a one count charge of assaulting a minor, causing bodily harm. The defendant pleaded not guilty and was admitted on bail of N100,000 and two sureties. The case has been adjourned till the 27th of June.
Anyone interested in standing as surety for her should signify so we can arrange for you to be locked up alongside her. That is all.

in the name of Jona…

The president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, on Saturday stated that his first name has brought some GOODLUCK to the country in the running of her everyday affairs.

This statement was made while granting an interview to Miss Zuriel Oduwole; a ten year old Nigerian girl based in California during the ongoing 21st ordinary session of the Assembly of Heads of State and Government of the Africa Union holding in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.

Little miss Zuriel who had also interviewed other African heads of state had sought to know just how much good luck, Jona’s name had brought the country.

Our president answered saying:
“In terms of bringing my name to bear in Nigerian affairs, within this period, we have our challenges. Of course, you are aware that we have our security challenges. But in spite of the security challenges, the country is moving on. I will say yes, it brought some good luck to the country.”

This answer had me questioning the ability of President Ebele to define the term ‘goodluck’… In addition to the ever growing security issues, the situation of power is laughable, the state of the economy is heart breaking and the general outlook of the state is dark and foreboding. The only ray of light we’ve had in the dark, is the triumph of our super eagles in the african cup of nations. In the words of Loki from ‘The Avengers’ movie:
“can one victory blot out that much red?”

the wheels on the bus

Who’s the kindly old lady in the bus?… and what makes her picture chilada worthy?
Look closer…
A little closer…
Still don’t get it? Okay; hint- the guy beside her is the Duke of Edinburgh!!!
Oh my… That would mean…
Yes- its the Queen of England… taking public transport… and I promise, this is no ‘olympic 007 body double stunt’

Her majesty Queen Elizabeth II together with the Duke, first boarded a scheduled train to Cambridge before getting on the single decker bus to travel through the city.

The royal gesture delighted the locals to no end… And to further prove how just like everyone else the queen is, the bus arrived it’s destination 15 minutes behind schedule but being the Queen, she was just on time to open a £212million lab for a leading medical research institute.

This is a wake up call to our politicians who are so used to 16 car motorcades, helicopter escorts, sub-marine detail, blah blah blah… If the ruler of the world’s biggest monarchy can ride public then maybe you guys too should have a slice of humble ‘enchilada’ and do the same…(If una get the liver (•͡.̮ ~͡ )

Its champions league people- go Dortmund.

thriller in wadata

I don’t know if I should laugh or cry at this… (truth be told, I actually laughed, felt ashamed but couldn’t force a tear out of my eyes. That’s a job for Nkiru Sylvanus)…hmmm….what was I saying? YES… Legendary Nigerian boxer Bash Ali, resumed his new appointment at the headquarters of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP) Abuja on Monday… As the gateman!!!

Don’t be scared people, this ageless pugilist hasn’t gone ‘Rashidi Yekini’ on us(God rest his soul). He is only doing it to protest the failure of the government to make good it’s promise to organize a boxing match for him which would have put him in the Guiness Record Books as the oldest man ever to step into the ring. The Edo born boxer has reiterated his determination to remain at his self appointed post until the government does something about his situation.

I don’t know about you guys but I’m solidly behind the great Bash and I would even go as far as egging him on: “get your money son”….. Now, for those of you who are in the habit of turning up where you aren’t invited, I would advice you steer clear of PDP HQ because though Bash might be old, I can bet my eyebrows that he would still knock your light out without breaking a sweat.

the mother of all secrets

‘…now listen kids… About eight months ago, I went to the dusty backwards city of Abeokuta to visit my bro. We hadn’t seen each other in a while and there was a lot to talk about…’
(Hope I have y’all attention now…continuing)
‘…so we talked… Soon enough- all was said about what was done,being done and in the process of getting done. We had nothing else to talk about. That was when he pulled out his laptop and played a video…’
(Intense look into camera)
‘…IT WAS LEGEN- peeps who watch how I met your mother now know what I’m talkin about-DARY!!! Legendary…’—–» Continue reading

hetching and sketching

get wowed

get wowed

Pissed off is how I feel as I spew this single word of hostility from my mouth– DAMN.
Good morning crazies, hope y’all having fantastic weekends!!! If so, glory be to God in the highest (who remembers when our letters always started like this?)–back to the matter…why am I pissed? who am I pissed at?

Its the society. Not only does she discriminate against those who dare to be different, now she’s trying to stifle them while they are yet tendrils.—–» Continue reading

PS.- shit is the word

‘…that awkward moment when you don’t know what to say to the friend you haven’t seen in a while…’ That’s what I’m experiencing now. Its been so long and there are only so many ‘how’ questions;
-how have you guys been?
-How are your families?
-How is school,work,girlfriend,boyfriend,pet,home etc?
-How are your parents doi- wait, that’s been covered under family…. AWKWARD.

I really am sorry for being quiet so long. I’m here now so we can continue right where we left off… bums and dumpsters…—–» Continue reading

‘of bums and dumpsters’

Good morning friends… I would lead with my apology for staying off the blogosphere for so long… Incidents way beyond my control cropped up and I found myself almost being swept away by the swells I unwittingly chose to surf in… My dearest crazies, lotsa water has passed under the bridge… Water so filthy and corrupt and dangerous and heartless… Its a long story but who would I share it with if not for you guys; my brothers-in-sanity…—–» Continue reading

smell the roses

My beeeetiful peeepu!!! I hail una o. I promise this will be a very short post. I just thought it will be nice for us to have one last meeting before we cross into the new year. The dying year was so eventful- talk about;
The birth/adoption/surrogation of Ivy Blue Carter
The death of whitney
The winter olympics
The blue champions league triumph
The Aluu four —–» Continue reading

Where the fox came from…..

I woke up on the wrong side of my bed this morning. By wrong side, I mean the left side(the right is commonly considered…well the right side to get up from) sadly,in my case, the wrong side which is the left side is the only side I can get up from. Reason? Simple- on the right side of my bed which is supposed to be the ideal side from which to get up,well, on that side I have a wall. All these sounds like the mumbling of an insomAniac shey? Emphasis on the maniac… But I’m actually going somewhere with this. . . . . .wait a minute, my train of thought has been derailed. . . . .aaand I’m back on track- bed, wrong side, right side, walls, Fox… Woah! What does Fox have to do with anything?… Walls… Now that’s my focus point. —–» Continue reading

oh yeah….! suck on this.

Hello crazies, (that’s what I’d call my visitors from now on) hope y’all having a wonderful weekend. I don’t really have gis… Hey! I have a new hero/role model. Guess who he is…….. Abraham Lincoln- yeah yeah, I know he’s every body’s hero…16th US president, father of a nation blah blah blah. While I’ve always admired that Abe Lincoln for obvious reasons, I always pictured him as a boring lawyer turned politician then president… Then, I watched a movie, title? Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter… —–» Continue reading

OUCH!!! I’m awake

I fell asleep and had a dream. In the dream, I had just woken up. Now I’m so confused, up is white, black is east. How do I even know I’m really making this post. I KNOW! I’d go kiss that girl at the other table (I’m in a restaurant) and if I get away with it, then I’m definitely dreaming… Not now, after we conclude this UNIBUJA ish. —–» Continue reading